Gym Etiquette 101

For those of you who have been to a gym, I’m sure you’ve encountered at least one thing that completely irritates you. Whether it be the foul odor coming from the dude who just let one rip while jogging on the treadmill next to you or the chick who just can’t resist piling on the makeup before her effortless and sweat-less workout.

Now I’m not saying my gym etiquette is perfect, but I’m at least respectable in some regards.

1. Re-rack your weights! If you’re a big burly man putting up 300+lbs. during your bench press, you seriously don’t have the energy or strength to remove all the plates and return them to their proper place? Don’t get me wrong, I can certainly do it myself, but it’s the principle. Didn’t your momma teach you to clean up after yourself? No one wants a messy man! Ladies – same goes for you, too!
2. Passing gas. You really can’t control yourself? How about at least sprinting outside or to the bathroom and letting loose there? It really interferes with my cardio or lift, no joke! It completely takes my breath away and throws off my entire cardio or lift session for at least the next two minutes. I understand we’re all human and do it, but it’s disgusting while I’m trying to workout. I do not want to smell what you had for lunch while I’m performing a full on sprint at an incline on the treadmill – it completely chokes me and I have to stop short of reaching my goal. I just cannot push through something like that.
3. Grunting. Okay, I get it, it helps you get the weight up and get that last extra rep in, and that’s great! Good for you! Can you tone it down a bit though? I grunt, too, sometimes when I’m really lifting heavy, but it’s not that loud. Everyone in the gym knows you’re trying to squat 500+lbs. because of the five or six 45lb. plates you have stacked on each side; we can clearly see that. A little less grunting please.
4. Attire. Oh boy. How can you workout in jeans? How can you workout in flip flops? Ladies, are you sure you feel comfortable enough to be wearing just a sports bra in the gym; Men, are you sure you want to workout without a shirt on? You don’t want to save that for when it’s a really hot day you’re exercising outside instead? I know you are proud of your body and want to show it off, but I’d rather not see your butt cheeks hanging out of your Nike CombatCompression shorts. Save that look for the beach. Heavy makeup? Seriously? Are you expecting to go out on the town after and not shower? Please, please, please – WEAR DEODORANT! That’s just as bad, if not worse, as farting!
5. Wiping the machines down. It’s really simple: you use a machine and you sweat all over it – you wipe it down! The gym even provides, free of charge, towels with a spray bottle filled with sanitizer! It’s pretty cool, you get to spray the sanitizer on the towel, walk over to the machine you were using, and wipe it down. See? Told you it was simple!
6. Hogging it all. Really? You have 10 sets of 25 reps (with a minute rest in between) on the only machine that’s available in the gym for the exercise I need to do? Awesome. Oh, you can’t let me do my 3 sets of 10 in between either? Cool. Piss off!
7. Cell phones. My music is on my cell phone so I have it with me on the floor because you all know now that I can’t workout without my music. I also have an armband and headphones that have a speaker so if someone does call me while I’m working out and I don’t want to miss the call, I’m able to answer and speak, in a low voice and for a minimum of a couple of minutes, all while I continue my workout. I’m ok with this. I’m not ok with those who stand in the middle of the floor talking loudly on their phone. Take it in the bathroom or outside.
8. Nakedness. This is NOT ok. It is unacceptable on all counts! I don’t care if you have the hottest body in the world, walking around naked in the locker room is just weird. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough in your own skin, but I don’t like seeing your boobs (and vagina) flopping around (actually, I hope your vag doesn’t flop around…). If I want to see that, I will go to the nearest strip club. And do not try talking to me naked. Where am I supposed to look? I certainly can’t make eye contact with you. Awkward! If you want to go in the sauna naked, please bring a towel and sit on that ladylike! DO NOT SIT SPREAD EAGLE! I can’t imagine a men’s locker room. I pity all you men out there. Who really wants to see a bunch of genitalia bouncing around like that? There’s a time and a place for it, just not at the gym. Thanks.

Okay, I think I’m done ranting about my pet peeves at the gym. Truly the ones that bother me the absolute most is passing gas and not wiping down the machines. I find if I need to re-rack someone else’s weight, it’s just giving me an extra little workout, which I’m fine with. Grunting, I can just turn my music up or completely ignore. Attire – hey, to each his own, right? Hogging it all, I’ll find an alternative to what I want to do, no big deal. Cell phones, whatever, I can just ignore that, too. Nakedness, it’s how we were born, right? Ok, maybe I’m a little grossed out by some of the bodies I see roaming around the locker room. Just make sure your body is tight before letting it all hang out.

What are your pet peeves at the gym or with working out? Share with me! I want to know!